Unwritten Read online

  “I’ll give it up,” he said, his expression earnest. “I’ll cancel my sabbatical in Valencia.”

  “No,” she said quietly, forcing herself to back out of his embrace, to break the connection between them. “You can’t sacrifice your career for me any more than I can give mine up for you. I’m Katherine Hayes, Josh. I can’t be just your Kate forever.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” There was anger in his tone now, and it cut right into the tender lining of her heart.

  “It means that this is about more than logistics.” Her voice rose along with her temper. Why did he keep turning this around on her when he was the one asking her to make an impossible sacrifice? “We live in different worlds. We want different things. I can’t make myself the woman you want me to be, Josh. I just can’t.”

  He rocked back on his heels, eyes narrowed, arms crossed over his chest. “I’ve never asked you to change a damn thing about yourself.”

  “But you have.” They stared at each other for a long beat of silence while her heart raced and her hands shook. The look on Josh’s face was something she’d never seen before, something she never wanted to see. “Please. I don’t want to fight.”

  “Well, I’ve got news for you, because if you think for one minute that I’m going to let you walk out that door without a fight—”

  Desperate, she pressed her lips to his to shut him up, and then they were kissing, all the hurt, anger, and sorrow between them ignited into passion. Their hands groped frantically while their lips clashed, seeking and plundering. Her head swam, and her vision blurred. She closed her eyes, shivering as his tongue stroked hers, his hands clutching her waist.

  Bracing her hands against his shoulders, she pushed backward out of his arms. She blew out a shaky breath, blinking back tears. “Goodbye, Josh.”

  And before he could stop her, she slipped out the door, closing it firmly behind her.

  25

  Kate stepped off the escalator at the Raleigh-Durham International Airport, scanning the handful of people waiting there to greet loved ones. A dull ache pressed behind her eyes, but it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart. She was a fool not to have given herself time to process losing Josh before flying to North Carolina to stay with the sister she barely knew.

  She pulled her baseball cap lower over her eyes and wished she could keep on walking. The urge to run and hide was strong. But there, behind an older couple greeting a man ahead of her, was Lori.

  Her sister stood, hands clasped, her gaze fixed on the people still coming up the escalator.

  Kate walked over to her. “Lori?”

  Lori jumped, her eyes widening as she stared at Kate.

  She tilted her head, her anxiety heightened by the fact that her sister hadn’t even recognized her. “Were you expecting an entourage?”

  “No,” Lori said, then smiled. “And hi.”

  “Hi.”

  They stood there for a moment, sizing each other up. Strangers. Sisters.

  Kate felt an uneasy prickle between her shoulder blades. What did Lori see when she looked at her? Since they’d first met, Kate’s whole life had fallen apart. Could Lori see the shadows beneath her eyes? How closely had her sister been following the tabloid frenzy that had surrounded Kate for the last few months?

  “So, um, welcome to Raleigh,” Lori said after the silence had stretched long enough to become uncomfortable. “Did you check a bag?”

  Kate nodded, and they walked together to the baggage claim to collect her suitcase. “I’ve been here once before,” she told Lori as they walked outside. “I did a show at the PNC Arena a few years ago.”

  “Really?” Lori gave her a funny look. “I’m not much of a concertgoer, I’m afraid.”

  Kate clucked her tongue. “No? Well, next time, I’ll hook you up with some kick-ass tickets and see if I can convert you.”

  Lori smiled. “Deal. Listen, I know we already discussed this, but if you don’t want to slum at my apartment, I swear I won’t be offended.”

  Kate bit back her irritation because it wasn’t Lori’s fault this was so awkward. It seemed like everything in Kate’s life had been awkward lately, and she was just so damn tired of it. “You saw my mom on TV, right? I grew up in a trailer park. I was poor for a lot longer than I’ve been rich.”

  Lori nodded. “Okay. Why don’t we go to my apartment for you to freshen up, and then we can grab some dinner?”

  “That sounds good.”

  Lori led the way to the third floor of the parking structure, where an older-model silver Honda Accord was parked. She popped the trunk, and Kate slung her suitcase inside.

  “You have to give it a lift as you open,” Lori instructed sheepishly as Kate came around to the passenger door.

  Kate glanced over at her, then lifted the door handle and jiggled it open on her first try.

  Lori hopped in and started the engine. “I picked up a few things at the grocery store this morning, and some idiot rammed their buggy into my car, put a big ding in the driver’s side door.”

  Kate’s brow wrinkled. “Buggy?”

  “Grocery cart, whatever. Around here, we call them buggies.”

  “You can get that fixed, you know, the dent. An auto body shop can pop it out for you.” Kate realized as she said it that Lori might not be able to afford that kind of thing, and the look on her sister’s face pretty much confirmed it. The knot of tension between her shoulders tightened. Coming here had been a mistake. She couldn’t handle this, not right now.

  Lori shrugged. “A few door dings just give Matilda some character.”

  “Matilda? As in, this car?”

  “Yup. What, your car doesn’t have a name?”

  Kate shook her head. “Can’t say that it does.”

  Lori gave her another look, her expression guarded. “Guess we have a lot to learn about each other, huh?

  “Yes, it looks like we do.”

  Lori only lived fifteen minutes from the airport, and soon she was parking behind her apartment building in the suburbs of Raleigh.

  “Home sweet home,” she said as she shut off the car.

  Kate forced a smile, and together, they hauled her suitcase up the stairs to Lori’s second-floor apartment.

  “Nice place.” Kate stood in the doorway, looking around. The entranceway opened into a small kitchen on the left, with laminate counters and white cabinets. Past the kitchen was a small eating area, with the living room on the right.

  Lori led the way into the living room. It contained a beige couch and matching chair. Red plaid throw pillows gave the room a splash of color. “It’s not much. I only have one bedroom, but I also have an air mattress. I’ll sleep in the living room, and you can have the bed. I put clean sheets on this morning.”

  Kate glanced over her shoulder. “Don’t be silly. I’ll sleep out here.”

  “Oh no, no way. You’re my guest—”

  She shook her head. “I’ll sleep out here. Honestly, I don’t sleep very well anyway. The air mattress is perfectly fine.”

  Lori frowned. “Well, I guess, if you’re sure. But let me know if you change your mind…”

  “I won’t. But thank you.” She rolled her suitcase into the corner and opened the top. “I’m going to freshen up. You decide where we’re going for dinner. I’m not picky.”

  Kate took out a fresh outfit and her toiletry bag and went into the bathroom, grateful for a few minutes to herself. She changed into a shimmery red top and dark jeans, pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and applied the brown contacts she sometimes used to alter her appearance when she didn’t want to be recognized. She tried not to dwell on the last time she’d worn them…the night she and Josh had eaten at Tosca, the night of their bet, the night they’d first kissed…

  “Do you like sushi?” Lori asked her when she walked back into the living room.

  “Love it.”

  “Great, then I know just the place.”

  Half an hour later, they were seated
in a booth at a quiet little restaurant called Kyoto House. She and Lori stayed on safe territory during dinner, talking about their lives and careers, likes and dislikes. They squabbled briefly over the check, which Lori finally allowed Kate to pay, but she clearly wasn’t happy about it.

  Back at the apartment, after the air mattress had been inflated and they both wore pajamas and robes, Kate finally broached the past. “Tell me about him. I don’t remember him at all.”

  Lori walked to the kitchen and returned holding two bottles of water. She handed one to Kate. “He was a musician too. You probably knew that.”

  Heat prickled across her skin. “No. I didn’t.”

  “Really?” Lori frowned as she settled onto the couch across from Kate, tucking her feet under her. “Yeah, he had a band. He sang and played guitar. They never amounted to much, but it’s why he moved around all the time. I think he was playing gigs in New York when he met your mom, and then he came south to try his luck in Nashville.”

  Kate just stared at her, too numb to speak.

  Lori continued, “He met my mom in Nashville and followed her to Raleigh, but he didn’t stay with us for long either. Sometimes he toured around the south, playing bars and stuff, but mostly he stayed around Nashville. Blue Harmonica was the name of the band. I heard them play a few times. They were pretty good. Maybe he’d have made something of himself if he wasn’t so busy pickling his liver with alcohol.”

  Kate absorbed this information like a physical blow. Her father had been a musician. A musician. How could they have shared something so important without ever knowing?

  “Your mom never told you about him?” Lori asked quietly.

  Kate shook her head.

  “It was really lame of him to keep this to himself.”

  “Yeah.” Kate’s hand clenched around the bottle of water Lori had given her. “It was.”

  * * *

  Kate woke to the scent of coffee mixed with curry. Disoriented, she sat up and found herself in Lori’s living room. The coffee was easily explained by the pot bubbling on the kitchen counter. Curry was more of a mystery, but judging from the muffled conversation she heard through the living room wall, the neighbors were Indian. And—

  Wait a minute. She gasped as it hit her.

  No nightmares.

  She’d slept through the night without a single moment of terror. And she felt rested. The burning, aching fatigue that had shackled her body for so long was gone.

  Thank God.

  She leaned back and closed her eyes. Her fatigue had been replaced by a bone-deep sadness so profound, she wondered how she’d ever recover. Losing Josh hurt worse than she’d anticipated, but she’d done what she had to do. Her heart would heal, sooner or later. So would his, although the pain in his eyes when she’d walked out the door would haunt her forever.

  In retrospect, it had been a mistake for her to stay in New York after her injury. She’d just been so lost, so vulnerable, that she’d clung to him for as long as she could. But it had only made her fall even harder for him, and she’d probably made things more painful for Josh too. He might not be able to love her fully, but he cared about her. A lot. And she’d hurt him deeply when she walked away.

  Ugh, she was terrible at relationships.

  Her eyes ached, but she’d shed enough tears already. With a heavy sigh, she tiptoed out of bed to check the clock. Six fifty. Probably early for Lori on a Saturday morning, but to Kate, it was nothing short of miraculous. She went into the bathroom to freshen up and was standing in the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee when Lori came out, wearing her robe.

  “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  Lori shook her head. “I’m an early riser. Did you sleep okay?”

  “Best night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. Seriously.”

  Lori narrowed her eyes. “Well, you do look better rested than yesterday, but—”

  “No buts.”

  Kate and Lori got ready for the day and went downtown. They walked around the state capital, which was about as un-city-like as Kate had ever seen. She gawked at the giant bronze statue of an acorn in Moore Square, which was apparently quite the tourist attraction.

  “An acorn?”

  Lori scrunched her nose. “Raleigh is the City of Oaks. I know, it’s lame.”

  “It’s hilarious. Come on, we have to take a picture.” Kate led her to the statue, and they made goofy grins as they took selfies in front of it.

  Kate had had serious doubts about this trip when she first arrived yesterday. It was crazy, running off to stay with a sister she didn’t know when her life was already completely upside down.

  But since she arrived, she’d just been Kate. No celebrity. No paparazzi. No publicist or manager or assistant. She hadn’t even looked at a gossip headline or checked her social media. And it was wonderfully therapeutic. For the first time in weeks, the knots of tension in her shoulders began to ease.

  Lori was good company too. They spent the weekend hanging out, playing tourist, and getting to know each other. Kate had bought a one-way ticket to Raleigh, and when Lori asked her to stay a few more days, she agreed.

  She rented a car and some time at a private gym to continue her physical therapy, and arranged to have her therapy sessions via webcam until she found a new therapist in LA. Because it would be too painful to return to New York for a very long time.

  Kate’s sweet dreams ended Sunday night when she woke screaming sometime before dawn. Her body shook, her hands fisted at her throat as terror roared like a beast inside her.

  Lori stumbled out of the bedroom, wide-eyed. “Are you okay?” She dropped down next to Kate on the air mattress and wrapped an arm around her.

  Kate nodded. She gasped for air, clutching the blanket until her pulse slowed.

  “Want to talk about it?” Lori asked.

  Kate opened her mouth to say no but stopped herself. She was tired of hiding her past and pretending everything was okay. With Lori’s arm around her, Kate told her about her childhood, the rape, and how her mother had tried to turn it all against her. Lori listened, offering words of support. And it felt…okay. It got a little bit easier every time she talked about it. She wiped the tears from her eyes and drew a shaky breath. “Okay, your turn.”

  Lori leaned against the wall. “You know, when I first saw your mom on TV, she immediately reminded me of mine. Our dad definitely had a type.”

  “Tell me about her.”

  “She’s a drunk. That’s the long and short of it.”

  Even in the darkened room, Kate could see the tears shining in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “She loved him. She’s so friggin’ naive. He was never around more than a few months at a time, and who knows how many other women he had while he was on the road?”

  Kate took her hand. “Were they married?”

  “No, he never married. My mom was a functional drunk until he died. Now she’s just a mess. I’m worried about her.”

  “She’s drinking too much?”

  “It’s worse than that. It’s like she’s given up. She quit going to work about a month ago. She’s not taking care of herself. The house smells. It’s awful.”

  “How is she supporting herself?”

  Lori looked away and sighed. “I paid her mortgage last month, but I can’t keep it up. I grew up in that house. I don’t want her to lose it. But also, I really don’t want her to move in with me. Is that horrible?”

  “Horrible? No. I think that’s perfectly normal. Have you tried getting her some help?”

  “Like AA?” Lori shook her head. “I can’t get her sober enough to get her in the door.”

  “No, I mean like therapy, rehab.”

  “Oh. Well, she doesn’t have insurance coverage for anything like that. We can’t afford it.”

  Kate squeezed her hand. She wanted to help but suspected Lori was too proud to take her money. She needed to think to figure out the best way to handle it.

  The sun rose, and they wer
e still talking.

  “I’m sorry,” Kate said with a sigh. “You have to work today, and I’ve kept you up half the night.”

  Lori grinned. “I’ll survive. Just think how many nights like this we’ve missed by not knowing each other? And I don’t have to be ‘up’ for another hour. Anything else you want to share?”

  Josh immediately came to mind. Kate felt her cheeks flush.

  “Oh!” Lori’s eyes lit up. “I know that look. Man trouble. The actor or the mystery man?”

  She frowned. The media had connected her to many men she’d never actually dated, and it had never bothered her. But having the world think she’d had an affair with Ted while she was dating Josh? That bothered her. A lot. “The mystery man. Josh.”

  “Josh.” Lori’s eyes rounded. “Oh—I think I met him that night I jumped you outside your building with the news about our dad.”

  Kate smiled at the memory. “That’s right. You did.”

  “So what’s the deal?”

  With a heavy sigh, she launched into the tale of Josh, how they’d met, the no-strings agreement that had run so far off track. How he’d saved her from herself when her world collapsed but, in the end, his heart still belonged to a dead woman.

  Lori sat back. “Wow, that sounds…complicated.”

  “No kidding.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “So much, it hurts.” She pressed a hand against her chest. His absence was an ache that grew with each passing day.

  “But you never told him?”

  She shook her head, swallowing over the pain. “What would have been the point? There was no way things could ever work out for us.”

  Lori gave her a look. “Well, he might have said it back, for one thing.”

  Kate squeezed her eyes shut against the thought of Josh saying those magic words. “He wanted me to just be Kate. He wanted no part of my life as Katherine Hayes.”

  “Why are you so sure about that?”

  “He only agreed to date me when I promised to keep our relationship a secret. He always shied away from everything to do with my career.”