Unwritten Read online

  But he’d given her something precious, and she would take it and be thankful for every moment they’d had together.

  Ben whined plaintively from the doorway, and she scowled at him. With a heavy sigh, she slid out of bed, wrapped a robe around herself, and padded down the hall to the living room to let them out.

  While she watched them through the sliding glass door, she thumbed through the notifications on her phone. A dozen missed calls from Harry, even more from Vero, and several urgent texts from Jenn. She had to go home tonight. Reality beckoned, and anyway, her heart couldn’t handle another night here with Josh.

  As if she’d summoned him with her thoughts, his arms slid around her waist. His lips grazed her neck and sent her pulse whirling.

  “I have to get back,” she said, before she could lose her nerve.

  “Okay.”

  “Thank you, though, for this. You have no idea—” Her throat closed up.

  He turned her toward him and covered her mouth with his. “Yes, I do.”

  But he couldn’t…not really. Last night, when she got home from the set, she’d been spiraling into a darkness deeper than anything she’d ever experienced. Josh had thrown her a lifeline.

  “How about I fix us a quick supper before we hit the road?” he said quietly.

  She nodded, her throat too swollen with tears to speak. She retreated down the hall and enclosed herself in a hot shower, half-expecting him to join her but reluctantly relieved when he didn’t. She’d opened herself to him earlier, desperate for his touch in a way that went far past desire. He’d given her everything she’d asked for and then some. But she couldn’t take more, not without causing irreparable damage to her already torn heart.

  An hour later, they were on the road. She texted Jenn to let her know when to expect her, then settled back against the seat and closed her eyes. The closer they got to New York City, the tighter the vise over her chest became until she could barely draw breath. She had to get out of New York, and fast. She needed to get home to Malibu.

  If only that didn’t mean leaving Josh behind.

  Josh’s Xterra gave them the advantage of slipping past the paparazzi into the garage beneath her building unnoticed. She trudged to the elevator as if shackles bound her ankles. Josh walked beside her, his hand in hers.

  Upstairs, she shoved her key in the door, and it opened without resistance, already unlocked. Jenn stood in the hallway, her green eyes somber. Harry sat on the couch in the living room. Kate stopped in her tracks, and her stomach plummeted.

  This was bad news. Very bad news.

  She turned to Josh. “Looks like I have to take care of some business. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  Jenn glanced between them. “Actually, you might want him to stay.”

  Kate tensed. What the hell was going on? But Josh was already guiding her toward the living room. He sat next to her on the love seat, his hand clasped over hers.

  Cold fingers of dread knotted in her stomach as she glanced between Jenn and Harry. “Tell me.”

  “It’s your mother,” Jenn said quietly. “She died last night.”

  24

  Kate’s hand flew to her mouth. “What? No.”

  Josh’s arms encircled her, and she leaned into him.

  “A blood clot traveled to her lungs,” Jenn said. “She died in her sleep.”

  “A blood clot?” Tears welled, and she blinked them back. This didn’t make any sense. Her mom wasn’t supposed to die…not yet…not like this.

  “Probably related to the cancer,” Jenn said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Dammit.” A tear snaked its way over Kate’s cheek. She swiped it away. The ground seemed to shift beneath her, and she couldn’t find her balance. She gripped Josh’s arm as if it might keep her from plunging into the black hole at her feet.

  “I’m so sorry.” His words were a murmur in her ear.

  Sadness welled inside her. Confusion. Emptiness. Loss.

  “She asked me to forgive her, and I—”

  “You told her that you would, in time,” Josh said, squeezing her hand. “You guys went a long way toward understanding each other that night.”

  “But…” There was so much that she hadn’t said, so much she’d never get the chance to say.

  “Can I get you anything?” Jenn asked, standing.

  She shook her head. Numbness crawled through her, almost as if she’d floated outside her body. Doreen was dead…

  Harry leaned forward. “Her boyfriend, Fred Matarazzo, is a freelance paparazzo. His name rang a bell when it came up yesterday, so I had Jenn do a little investigating.”

  “What?” Kate looked up in surprise. They were throwing out information faster than she could process it.

  “I don’t know if she knew, or if he was using her to get to you. Either way, someone hired him, and I think it had to be someone in the business.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I was suspicious about Doreen’s timing from the start. The nude photos coincided with the Fans Voice nominations. Her first television interview the day voting began. The photo of those pills in your purse the same day we’d done a major social media push reminding people to vote for you. It was a setup.”

  Nausea rose in her throat. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying someone paid Fred—and possibly Doreen as well—to smear your reputation in order to hurt your popularity in the polls. One of your peers is behind this.”

  She drew in a breath and nearly choked on it. “What in the fucking hell?”

  “I know.” Harry’s expression was grim.

  Anger burned through the numbness in her chest. “Trace the money. I need to know.”

  He nodded. “Don’t worry. I’ll find out who did this.”

  * * *

  The bed was shaking. Josh peeked through heavy lids, wondering if New York City was experiencing a mild earthquake. It would be unusual, but…Kate lay beside him, eyes closed, quaking as if gripped by a seizure.

  Alarmed, he pulled her close. She let out a scream, muffled as she pressed her face against the pillow. Ben launched himself from the end of the bed, a white blur in the dim light. Jerry raised his head and looked around in sleepy confusion.

  Josh rubbed her back, holding her as she came to her senses. No wonder she shared a special bond with Jerry. In his soundless world, her night terrors couldn’t frighten him the way they did Ben.

  Kate pulled free from his grasp, wrapped a robe around herself, and ran from the room. He decided to give her a little space to compose herself. She’d lost her mother tonight. And just months after her father’s death. Both parents gone and so much left unresolved.

  Life was so fucking unfair sometimes.

  He used the bathroom, then walked downstairs to make sure she was okay. Kate hadn’t turned on any lights, and he fumbled through the darkness, checking each room and finding no sign of her.

  Where had she gone?

  Worry had started tickling its way up his spine when he spotted Ben by the door to the balcony, staring out. Josh walked quickly to the glass. She stood against the railing, her blonde hair, silvered by the pale light of the moon, whipping in the wind.

  He pushed the door open and stepped out. The wind felt like knives slashing his skin. Jesus Christ. It couldn’t be more than thirty degrees out here.

  “When I turned eight, she invited my whole class to a birthday party at the roller-skating rink.” Kate spoke with her back to him. “We gorged ourselves on pizza and chocolate cake and skated around and around until we were all sick to our stomachs. It was perfect.”

  He rested a hand on her shoulder, felt the shivers racking her body.

  “When I turned nine, she forgot. She was out with her boyfriend, and she forgot.”

  “I’m sorry, Kate.” What else could he say? “Come inside before you catch pneumonia.”

  She turned around then, her eyes alarmingly dry. She hadn’t cried for her mother yet, and she clearly ne
eded to. “Yes, that could ruin my voice. Then what would be left?”

  As if to prove his point, she coughed.

  He led her inside, flipped on the gas fireplace, and sat next to her on the couch. “Okay, let’s talk.”

  “Tell me about the day Noelia died.” She turned the tables on him so quickly that he reeled backward against the couch. His mouth opened, but nothing came out.

  A smile toyed with the corners of her mouth. “What? We’re only allowed to talk about my problems?”

  “No, but…”

  “It’s hard to talk about?”

  “Yes.”

  She lifted her head. “See, that’s not healthy, or so I heard.”

  He chuckled. “Okay. It was the day of her bridal shower. It was at some fancy restaurant. I don’t remember the name. My mom was there too, and Lily. They were the last people to see her.”

  “And not you.” Kate latched right on to the irrational jealousy that had plagued him in the first months after Noelia’s death.

  “And not me. She called me on the way home. Her mom was driving. Noelia was so excited about all the gifts she’d gotten. There was this memory book someone had given her that she couldn’t wait to start filling out…our wedding, our first house, anniversaries…” His voice had grown husky as the memories unfolded.

  “What happened to it, the book?”

  He frowned. “I don’t know. I guess it was lost in the crash.”

  “You said Noelia died instantly. A drunk driver.”

  “Yes. He ran a red light and broadsided the car on the passenger side. Noelia was killed on impact.”

  “Was her mom hurt?” Kate placed a hand on his, her fingers as cold as a corpse.

  He cringed at the mental image. “She was banged up pretty bad, but she recovered. That was toughest for her, I think. Survivor’s guilt.”

  “Do you still keep in touch?”

  He nodded. “It’s hard, though. They’ve had a really tough time. Noelia was their only child. It’s…” He waved his hands, struggling for the right word.

  “Depressing?”

  He raked a hand through his hair and nodded. “It’s like they’re stuck in the past. I remind them of Noelia.”

  “They don’t want you to move on.”

  He looked at Kate. “No.”

  “Do you? Want to move on?” She nibbled her lower lip, her eyes on his.

  “Yeah.” He leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “I think I do.”

  Her eyes glistened with tears.

  He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Okay, your turn.”

  She was silent for a long minute. “I still loved her,” she whispered finally. “I always thought I’d get the chance to tell her that.”

  * * *

  The following weeks were some of the most difficult in Kate’s adult life. Doreen’s funeral was painful in too many ways to count. Just setting foot in her old hometown had been horrific. A reporter managed to sneak in posing as a mourner, and a photo of Kate sagging against her mother’s casket had graced the cover of every major gossip magazine. The paparazzi held her prisoner in her home, desperate for a statement or a new photo to humiliate her with. Anything to feed the media frenzy surrounding her. Sometimes, with Josh’s help, she was able to escape. But most of her time was spent holed up in her condo—or his apartment.

  Soon after her mother’s funeral, Kate had started therapy. She’d been diagnosed with PTSD and was starting to come to terms with what had happened to her, to accept it instead of hiding it in the dark recesses of her mind. And in doing so, she hoped to someday be free of the debilitating migraines, flashbacks, and nightmares that had tormented her for so long.

  Through everything, Josh stood by her side, the anchor in her storm. The water was rising around them, though. She couldn’t stay here in New York much longer. It was time to cut herself loose, to move on with her life, just as soon as she’d figured out how…or where to go.

  She’d spent a lot of time at his apartment in the last few weeks as they hid from the relentless paparazzi presence here on Central Park West. A lot of time spent wilting beneath the gaze of his dead fiancée as she smiled happily from the shelf. If he was truly ready to move on, why was Noelia’s photo and not Kate’s displayed in the living room?

  How could she compete with a dead woman? The knowledge that he could never truly be hers, that he would never love her the way she loved him…it was slowly eating away at her soul. She would have to be the one to end it, and it was going to be one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Josh would probably hate her for it at first, but once the dust had settled, he would realize she’d saved them both a world of heartache in the long run.

  Just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes. She pressed her fingers against her forehead, sucking in a deep breath.

  She hadn’t made a public statement yet about what had happened to her, but letters were already pouring in from her fans, young girls who’d themselves been victims of sexual assault and who had found strength in knowing someone as popular and successful as Kate had once been a victim herself. At first, she’d found the letters overwhelming.

  Who was she to speak for these girls? She’d spent over a decade hiding from her past, burying her pain with every unhealthy coping mechanism in the book. But replying to them had been oddly therapeutic. It was an opportunity to take what had happened to her and turn it into something positive, to be a role model, a real role model, maybe for the first time in her life.

  And beyond that, answering their letters had allowed her to reconnect with her fans. She hadn’t even realized until then how much she’d missed that connection. Regaining it had given her back a missing piece of herself. An important piece.

  Her cell phone rang, startling Kate from the latest batch of fan mail Jenn had brought over. Lori Booth’s name showed on her caller ID, and good God, with everything else going on, she’d completely forgotten about her newfound sister. Kate contemplated letting it go to voicemail, but on impulse, she reached out and grabbed the phone.

  “Kate, hi…it’s Lori.” She sounded hesitant, and Kate couldn’t blame her. Lori’d been nothing but nice since they met, and Kate had done nothing but blow her off in return.

  “Hi, Lori.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. I’m not going to win big sister of the year, am I?”

  “I didn’t call about that. We’ll talk when the time is right. I just wanted to tell you I’ve been thinking about you. I heard you lost your mom. I’m really sorry.”

  “Oh. Thank you.” Kate rubbed her brow. Lori just called to say something nice, wanting nothing in return? Was that what family was supposed to do?

  “It has to really suck having it all printed for the world to read, huh?”

  “Yeah, it does.” She leaned forward, as if it might somehow strengthen the connection between them.

  “I can’t even imagine. I think of all the stupid things I did in high school, what a drunken embarrassment my mom would be if she got on TV to tell stories about me. I’m probably saying this all wrong, but I’m trying to sympathize here.”

  A smile tugged at Kate’s lips. “We need to get to know each other, don’t we?”

  “Sooner or later.”

  “I have to leave town for a little while, but maybe when I get back…”

  “Oh, where are you going?”

  “I have no idea yet.” She remembered something Harry had suggested to her earlier that week. “Someplace quiet and paparazzi free.”

  “Well, this might be a dumb idea, but do you want to come here? North Carolina’s pretty quiet this time of year, and we don’t have any paparazzi. But I mean, never mind…you’re like super rich, and I live in a one-bedroom apartment. Totally scratch that idea.”

  Lori was right. It was a terrible idea. Except, it might be the perfect place to hide off the radar for a little while. No one would look for her in North Carolina. It might help distract her fro
m the pain of leaving Josh, and maybe it was time to get to know her sister. What the hell. She’d never believed in dipping her toes in first to test the water. Dive right in. Sink or swim. She took a deep breath. “Actually, I think it sounds perfect.”

  * * *

  Something heavy settled over Kate as she stepped into Josh’s apartment. More than anything, she wanted to fling herself in his arms and stay there forever. And that was exactly why she’d just bought a one-way plane ticket to North Carolina.

  He wrapped his arms around her and drew her in for a kiss. She melted against him, savoring the feel of his mouth on hers, the way it felt as his hands fisted in her hair and his tongue stroked hers. When she lifted her head, Noelia’s eyes burned into hers from her cherished spot on the shelf. Kate had lurked in her shadow for long enough. It was time to set herself free. She sucked in a breath. “I have to leave town for a while.”

  His smile faded. “How long?”

  “I don’t know. I just…I can’t stay here in New York any longer, Josh. I’m sorry.”

  “But the spring semester starts on Monday. I can’t—”

  “You can’t leave. I know.”

  They stared at each other for a long beat of silence as the meaning of her words hit home. Hurt and accusation shone in his eyes. “After everything we’ve been through, you’re just going to walk away?”

  “You think it isn’t going to rip me to pieces to walk out that door?” She reached out to touch his cheek, his stubble stinging her palm. That same feeling prickled inside her throat. “You’ve been my anchor, my strength, my everything these last few months, and I could never tell you how much that’s meant to me, how much you mean to me.”

  He cupped her face in his hands, drawing her in for a gentle kiss. “Then stay. Please stay…for me.”

  “I did. Don’t you see?” They were clinging to each other now, his hands in her hair, her lips inches from his. “I stayed after my tour was canceled. I found a movie shooting here in New York, and then I stayed after filming wrapped, even though the paparazzi have made my life hell. I stayed here for you, but I can’t stay forever. The reality is that I live in Los Angeles, and you’re moving to Spain in a few months.”