For Keeps Read online

  Merry scowled. The rum was already going to her head. She took another sip. “Gee, thanks.”

  “You know what I mean. We girls are the ones who usually get all mushy after sex. In fact…”

  “I am not mushy.”

  “Then why the post-sex freak-out?” Cara asked.

  She stared into her glass. “I don’t know.”

  “Oh, my God. You are… you’re falling for him. Whoa. This is like, epic!”

  “I am not,” Merry said, but she sounded unconvincing, even to herself.

  Cara squealed. “This is so Red Heels worthy. For this, I’d fly down tomorrow and go out with you. I’m totally serious.”

  “Cut it out. I like him a little, so what? It’s not like I’m going to marry him or anything.”

  “Why not? I mean, not T.J. necessarily, but why are you so antimarriage?”

  “I just don’t think it’s for me, that’s all. Why can’t a woman enjoy her own life? Why should I need a man to make me happy?”

  “You don’t need one, but… Is this because of your mom?”

  Merry sighed. “Maybe partly. My dad raised me fine on his own, but marriage wasn’t something I grew up seeing or wanting.”

  “So that’s part of it, but it sounds like there’s more to it than that.”

  Merry took another swallow of her drink. She missed Cara so much. Surely that was the reason she felt tears gathering behind her eyes. “I miss you. Can’t you convince Matt to move back?”

  “Aww, sweetie, I miss you too. And also… are you drunk? You sound funny.”

  “A little, maybe. I’m so pathetic without you that I’m drinking at home by myself.” She sniffled as she drained her glass.

  Cara was silent for a long moment. “Okay, let me rearrange a few things with Matt, and I’ll come down for the weekend. Are you working?”

  “Don’t be silly. You’ll be here the end of next week anyway, and a last-minute flight would be crazy expensive.”

  “Are you sure?” Cara asked.

  “Positive, but thanks for being a good friend.”

  “Just returning the favor, my dear. So you never told me the rest of the reason.”

  “What?” Merry pinched at her brow.

  “The reason you don’t want a husband. A family.”

  “Oh, you know…”

  “No, I don’t,” Cara said, sounding eerily serious. “But I always wondered.”

  “Really? You knew there was a reason?”

  “Now you’re freaking me out. What’s going on?”

  She pressed a hand to her chest. “I should have told you. I don’t know why I never did.”

  “Told me what?”

  Merry slid down the couch cushion and covered her eyes. Right now, she was bursting to tell Cara about Tyler. Why hadn’t she ever confided in her best friend? And why had she gotten so drunk tonight? Shit. If only she could teleport Cara into her living room, she’d tell her now, but it was in no way a phone conversation, no matter how drunk she was. “I’m a little afraid I would suck as a mom, that’s all. You can psychoanalyze me when you’re here.”

  “Oh, Merry. You’ll be the best mom! You are so warm, and loving, and generous. And you’re great with kids. Just because your mom sucked doesn’t mean you will.”

  She shook her head. “I really didn’t mean to have this conversation tonight. We can talk more when you’re here, I promise. I’m exhausted, and clearly I’ve had too much to drink.”

  “Okay then. Make sure you drink some water before you go to bed.” Cara paused. “And call me back if you need me.”

  Merry hung up the phone with a sigh. Ralph came and nosed his way into her lap, comforting her as he did so well. But tonight it wasn’t enough. The truth was, she wished she was still with T.J., wrapped safely in his arms.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Here comes trouble.

  T.J. watched from his bedroom window as Merry’s CR-V turned into the driveway at quarter past eight, a half hour earlier than she usually arrived. He’d expected her early.

  At least, he’d hoped.

  He loped down the stairs with Amber at his heels, then frowned when he saw her start toward the barn with her dogs. He pulled open the front door. “Hell, Merry, they’re all housetrained, right? Just bring them in.”

  She turned slowly to face him. The moment he looked into her eyes, he felt the air drain from his lungs. He simply couldn’t draw breath.

  She started walking toward him, and his pulse was already pounding. She was so damn gorgeous. He allowed his gaze to wander over her aqua top to the jean shorts that hugged every curve and revealed long, smooth legs, tanned from three weeks here on his farm.

  He stood watching until she’d reached the doorway, then he yanked her inside and slammed it closed, unable to wait another moment before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her luscious, pink lips.

  Merry let out a gasp of surprise. She dropped the leashes, and the dogs scampered off into his house, doing God knows what, but his arms were around her, and he was kissing her. It was like a light had come back on inside him, something that had been dark since she ran out of here yesterday afternoon.

  She lifted her head, her eyes golden like honey in the morning light. “Good morning.”

  She gave him one of those little half-smiles, and he couldn’t remember a single reason why he hadn’t been kissing her every damn day since he met her. Not one.

  “Mornin’.”

  “I thought we needed to have a little chat before the kids got here.”

  “You call this chatting?” He glanced down at her hands, currently gripping his ass.

  She brought them to his chest and pushed him back. “Not quite.”

  He shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. “Okay, I’m listening.”

  She stood there, adorably awkward. “I just figured we needed some, you know, ground rules.”

  He cocked his head and grinned at her. “You’re not one of these women who overthinks everything now, are you? The way I see it, we’ve got this chemistry we can’t fight, so let’s just go with it for now and see what happens.”

  It was what she’d wanted in the first place, and he’d come around to her way of thinking, to an extent. Because the more time he spent with her, the more he wanted. And if their chemistry was still going strong when camp ended, he had no intention of letting her walk away.

  She blew out a breath and nodded. “That works.”

  Salsa dashed across the room with one of his sneakers in her mouth. Chip ran after her, leashes dragging across the floor. Merry blanched. “Salsa, drop it!”

  The puppy froze, then dropped the sneaker with a shamed look. She wore a multicolored shirt today, like a misbehaving clown puppy. T.J. grabbed his sneaker and inspected it for damage, but other than a little puppy drool, it appeared unharmed.

  “I’m sorry.” Merry clutched Salsa’s leash, looking as ashamed as the puppy. “I should have left them in the barn.”

  He shook his head. “It’s all right.”

  “I should head down anyway.”

  “You’ve still got ten minutes.” He grabbed her and pulled her up against him again. “I’ve got appointments all afternoon, but I was thinking maybe we could get dinner later.”

  “Dinner?” Her eyes rounded. “Oh okay. Sure.”

  He fought back a niggle of annoyance at her reaction. Had she thought they’d just sleep together once and leave it at that? Had she really been planning to go straight to the barn, or was she going to drop the dogs off, then come up and see him at the house?

  It wasn’t worth fighting about, either way. Instead, he slid his arms around her and kissed her. A much better use of their last ten minutes alone.

  Except he and Merry never just kissed. Within minutes, she was in his arms, her legs wrapped around his hips, and he was hard as steel and frustrated as hell. He kissed her until they were both oxygen starved, then lowered her to the floor with a groan of regret.

  M
erry’s eyes had regained their playful sparkle. She tugged at the waist of her shorts to give him a glimpse of pink lace. “For later,” she said with a wink.

  “Jesus, woman.” He yanked her up against him for one last kiss. He was going to need yet another cold shower before he followed her to the barn, and even so, it was going to be torture looking at her all morning, thinking about that pink lace and how many hours he had to wait until he could take it off her.

  * * *

  Merry’s phone rang as she walked toward the barn. She didn’t need to check the screen to know it would be Cara.

  “Just making sure you’re okay this morning,” her friend said.

  Merry rolled her eyes—at herself, not at Cara. “I’m totally fine. I don’t know what was the matter with me last night.”

  Cara laughed. “Well, we all have those moments.”

  “I wish I could chat, but camp starts in a few minutes.”

  “Okay, but promise you’ll call if you need me?”

  “Promise.”

  Merry walked toward the barn feeling uncharacteristically out of sorts. She’d never felt awkward with a guy the morning after they had sex. Not until T.J. She hadn’t had any idea what to expect from him this morning, but he seemed to have gotten on board with her no-strings, surrender-to-the-chemistry plan.

  So that was great. Awesome. Exactly what she’d wanted. Except, for some reason, it didn’t feel like what she wanted. T.J. had thrown her off balance almost from the moment they met, and now she had no idea what to do with him.

  But surrendering to the chemistry and hoping it burned itself out by the end of camp seemed as good a plan as any.

  Amy was in the barn with Noah, and they waved as she approached.

  Merry waved back. “Good morning. T.J. should be right down with Amber.”

  “We’re a little early this morning.” Amy gave her a funny look.

  Merry felt her cheeks flush. Was it obvious she’d been in the house kissing T.J.? Was her lipstick smeared? She should have checked herself in the mirror before walking into the barn, but she hadn’t really expected anyone to be here yet.

  “Noah, why don’t you take these carrots to the horses?” Amy passed him a bag of carrots, and he scampered out of the barn.

  “Everything okay?” Merry asked. She couldn’t imagine why Amy would care, but she didn’t exactly want to have the conversation either.

  Amy’s eyes sparkled. “Are you and my brother…?”

  Crap. “Yes. Is it a problem?”

  Amy grinned. “Not at all. I was kind of hoping it might happen.”

  Really? “It’s just a casual thing. We’re not exactly spreading it around, if you don’t mind keeping it quiet.”

  Amy twisted her fingers over her mouth to indicate her lips were sealed. “Not that it’s any of my business, but my brother’s a really great guy. He’s pretty picky about who he dates too. You’re his first non-farm type; that must say something about you.”

  Yeah, it said that chemistry had overridden common sense. Merry busied herself settling the dogs in the spare stall, unsure how to respond.

  “I’m not trying to be nosy,” Amy said behind her. “I actually stopped by to talk about Noah.”

  Merry turned to face her. “Has something happened?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know what.” Amy’s brown eyes were troubled. “He’s not himself lately. I think… I think he lied to me the other night.”

  “Really?” Merry gestured to the plastic chairs at the end of the hall. Amy sat in the closest chair, and Merry sat opposite her.

  “I caught him using my laptop without permission. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was playing Lego games, but he was acting so guilty that I pulled up the browser history after he was in bed. He’d been on Apple’s website looking at iPads. I mean, why would he lie about that?”

  Merry thought of the money missing from her purse. It was on the tip of her tongue to mention it to Amy, but something held her back. She had no proof Noah had taken it, and she would never forgive herself if she unfairly accused the boy. “Maybe he wants to buy you one for your birthday?”

  “My birthday’s in February, and I have a laptop already. I don’t need an iPad. I’ve never even mentioned one.”

  Merry looked down at her hands. “He’s seemed troubled to me lately, like something’s bothering him.”

  “I know.” There was anguish in Amy’s voice. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. To see if he’d said anything to you, or if maybe you could talk to him for me.”

  “I have,” Merry confessed. “I’ve tried everything I could think of to get him to open up to me. Is there anything going on at home he might be worried about? Money troubles? A new boyfriend? Anything you can think of?”

  Amy laughed bitterly. “Money’s always a struggle, but he has everything he needs. Boyfriend? Not lately. Nothing’s changed, Merry. I’ve dedicated my whole life to keeping things steady for him. He hates change.”

  Merry twisted her fingers. “I’m sorry.”

  “I thought things were looking up, you know? He has this new friend, Brendan. His first real friend. I thought it was going to be a major breakthrough for both of us.”

  “Could his friend be the problem?”

  Amy shook her head. “Brendan’s at my house almost every afternoon. He’s the sweetest boy. In fact, I suspect he’s somewhere on the autism spectrum like Noah. They sit and play with Legos and do math workbooks together.”

  “That sounds adorable.”

  Amy’s eyes warmed. “It is. I’m so thrilled for him.”

  “He should be happy.”

  “He should.” Amy nodded. “But he’s not.”

  “No.”

  “I trust you, Merry. You seem like a good person and a good friend to Noah. If he tells you something, anything, promise you’ll tell me.”

  Merry looked her in the eye and nodded. “I promise.”

  * * *

  T.J. opened his door at seven o’clock that night to find Merry on his doorstep holding a pizza box and a six-pack of beer. She’d changed since that morning, wearing snug black pants that reached just past her knees and a blue sleeveless top that revealed just enough cleavage to distract him.

  But the biggest distraction was wondering if she still wore the pink lace panties he’d glimpsed that morning. Because he’d been thinking about them all day.

  “Hungry?” She thrust the pizza box at him, then leaned in for a kiss.

  “Starved.” He tossed it onto the coffee table and yanked her into his arms. The beer hit the couch with a thump.

  He kissed her long and hard, then she pulled free and dropped onto the couch. “You like baseball?”

  “Baseball?” He repeated like an idiot.

  She nodded. “My dad’s from Kentucky, near Ohio, so he raised me a Red’s fan. They’re playing the Padres tonight.”

  “Sure.” He handed the remote control to her. He preferred football to baseball, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain if she wanted to eat pizza, drink beer, and watch sports.

  “I ordered a supreme. You’re not picky, are you?” She flipped open the box to reveal a pizza laden with a variety of meat and vegetables.

  “Not picky at all.” He went into the kitchen for plates, then loaded up a couple of slices and snagged a beer.

  She turned on the game, then grabbed her own pizza and beer. “Except when it comes to women.”

  He took a bite and stared at her. “What?”

  “Amy said you were picky about who you dated.”

  He choked. “You talked to my sister about us?”

  She shrugged. “She brought it up, not me.”

  “Oh.” He chewed through the rest of the slice.

  “I asked her not to mention it to anyone.” Merry kept her eyes on the TV.

  “Why?”

  “In case… you know.” She shrugged again.

  He set his plate on the coffee table and turned her toward him. “I
n case what?”

  Those gorgeous eyes widened. “I don’t know! We had sex yesterday, can’t we leave it at that?”

  “The hell we can. You’re here tonight, and I hope you will be again tomorrow. Where I come from, that’s called dating.”

  She looked away. “You can call it whatever you want as long as we’re on the same page about what we’re doing. You made it very clear that you want to get married and have a family, and I… I don’t. It wouldn’t be smart to forget that.”

  He sat back against the couch. “No, it wouldn’t.”

  “So I vote we enjoy the hell out of this chemistry until camp’s over and then go our separate ways before things have a chance to get messy.”

  That made total sense, and yet he didn’t like it one bit. “Do we really have to decide that right now? Why not take things a day at a time and see what happens?”

  “T.J., I can’t give you the things you want out of life. We already know how it’s going to end for us. I’d much rather have a couple of awesome weeks with you and part ways friends than stick around until things go sour and we wind up hating each other.”

  He took a long pull from his beer. This conversation was pissing him off big-time. “Why?”

  Her eyes widened. “Why what?”

  “Why don’t you want a family?” It made no sense. She was warm and caring, and she adored kids. Nothing about her made a damn bit of sense.

  She drew back. “I just don’t think I’m cut out for it, that’s all.”

  Her bottom lip quivered, and his anger faded away. He’d done it again, poked at the wound she tried so hard to hide. Merry Atwater was not the carefree party girl she pretended to be. Someone or something had made her close herself off to the idea of love.

  He was foolish enough to hope he could change her mind. “Anything you want to talk about?”

  She glared at him. “I think you already know the answer to that question.”

  “Never hurts to ask.”

  “Look, I don’t like messy breakups. I like being able to call up a guy I used to date and see if he wants to go dancing on a Friday night.”

  “You do that a lot?” Because he really disliked the idea of her dancing with another man, let alone a guy she’d slept with.